Tutorials1927 - In the previous section we have learned that children and adolescents are more controlled by their emotions rather than rational and logical thinking. These emotions explains why children and adolescents behave that way, including the self-destructive behavior. So if we want to motivate them, we should first understand the emotions that control them and use them to direct the behavior and thinking more deceptive.
1. The need to feel SAFE
One of the strongest needs required soerang child is feeling safe. Secure in themselves and their environment. Teens seek security by joining the group of "gang" or a set of their peers, engage social rules between them, and imitate his behavior.
A psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, in his "five languages of love" to say we all have a psychological love tank to be filled, more precisely if the child then the parent who should fill. Children who love tank is full then he would have liked to herself, quiet and felt safe. This can be interpreted as a happy child and has the "inner" motivation.
Should we learn and know the love tank? Very necessary, I often recommended for teachers and parents to learn about and discover their child's love language, she and her partner. This I will discuss in the next article).
Examples, driven by their love for a mother scolding her child who was playing the computer. "Stop maen computer and learn now" then what is the minds of children? Maybe "Hmpf ... She did not love me, and want to control me and preoccupation" Well, children accept it as a negative thing, communication is usually destroys love is at the root of the problems parents and children, as well as teachers.
"Loved the child is not the same as a child feel loved"
What causes the need for security is not met?
• Comparing children with relatives or others
When we say "why you can not maintain the cleanliness of the room like your brother," "why you can not write as neatly as Rudi". Will grow up feeling rejected, not accepted, they would think "papa / mama prefer to ..." it does not cultivate an attitude like with himself and wanted to be someone else. They feel safe to be someone else and not feel safe and comfortable to be himself.
• Criticize and fault finding
When we say: "the basic stupid kid, what's wrong with you? Why can not you do anything right? "
Certainly, will give rise to feelings of revenge, there is no sense of security within the home (if this happens often at home).
• Physical violence and verbal
I feel no need to explain anymore, this is already a lot of us encounter in newspapers and on television news, and the danger or the consequences we often encounter in the media. If there is no security in the house, then the child will seek the protection of their security to meet all the wrong places. And the children will do anything to get a sense of this, look for attention in the wrong way.
Rarely do parents make their children feel important and recognized at home. Conversely, many parents who make their children feel small and insignificant with the threat: "better do your homework now, or ..."
What is in the child's mind if treated like that? We parents would be happy if the child do the things we command, but that there is a child in mind they feel inferior to do what they're told parents that way. So many children are put off or do not do what is assigned a parent (even with the threat of even) to meet the emotional needs for recognition.
A stern warning to parents: If children do not feel loved and accepted by their parents, they will be compelled to look for all the wrong places.
A child's desire to be recognized and to be loved is so strong, so they will do anything to get it. If they do not get the recognition it the right way it will find the wrong way and the wrong place. This needs to encourage some children and teenagers to use tattoos, disturb other children, joined the gang bully, hair dyed in bright colors, to behave like a clown and comedian. It is generally trouble themselves, but for recognition and received (getting attention).
There is an extreme case on 16 April 2007, a US Virginia Tech student, Cho Seng-hui. Shot and killed 32 students. What drives such behavior, so he did something so incredible crazy? He did only because of the need of recognition and a sense of importance so great, but not fulfilled by those who ignore and insult. It forced him out of the world of logic and claimed the lives of others as well as himself, in his mind he thought it was better to die with the bad name of the life not as a nobody.
3. The need to control (or the desire to feel self control)
As the growth of the child, while searching for identity and independence while learning to build from parents. This process creates an emotional need to be free and independent.
So that's why the child does not want to be dictated to what to do. They feel no "slang" listening parents. By listening to the advice of their parents seemed to be treated like a child. This explains why the child is listening to their friends and uncle or aunt (uncle or aunt) who was younger than her own parents.
Parents who are smart, will not give up for this. How to provide direction and that the child's parents want to hear? Use of communication that does not mean forcing a child with our advice. Make as if they study and work hard for themselves instead of for us. they will be more excited and motivated in that way. And most importantly the tank meets the love of our children every day and make sure the child is always full when I wake waking and at bedtime. That way a child knows who best understands and affection, and to whom he will come on when needed someone to hear, namely our parents.
Take advantage of this information, recognize the emotional needs of our children. Be sensitive that when children need acceptance, the need to control things, as well as the need to secure. Use words that are appropriate to meet these needs, the following tips and how to meet a child's basic emotional needs:
1. Sense of security:
• Quiet love you safe with papa, mama will accompany you, hey .. papa here will keep you dear
2. Sense of acceptance or a loved one:
• Make a habit of looking into the eyes when talking to children, try to stare is flat or "eye love"
• Touch the shoulder while talking or any part of origin polite, to show that we are together and close to the child
• Keep abreast (standing parallel to the child or kneeling)
• Say: whatever happens papa / mama still love you, you still champ papa / mama, papa eyes / you're the most beautiful mama
3. The need to control:
• If possible, when you see your child needs to do something yourself then permit
• Actually, it is a learning process for himself and will be very rewarding future adult
• The price of the child will be higher, if we are diligent in giving control to the child, because the child was able to do activities without the help (of course, safe activities in accordance with the policy of the parent)
• Spend special time to move and control and watch him with affection, for example: children aged 2-3 years'm eating alone, went to school alone, and others
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