Tutorials1927 - Many parents and teachers who attended my seminar commented "Okay, you provide techniques to overcome the problems of children is very good. But, I am not sure I can apply what you have taught "then asked me" Why? "," First I did not like children, the next how they communicate with them? ". Obviously this is a problem, but it is quiet there is a way how to understand children's behavior. But wait first because there are parts that you must understand first.
- Why does my child does not care about his future?
- Why do they do things that make no sense (teachers and parents)
- Why they will not listen even though have been reminded many times?
- Why does my child let himself be influenced by negative things from friends who are not useful?
Well, the main question: how to understand the behavior and their thinking?
The answer is they EMOTION. Emotions are masters of logic to think their children and adolescents. Teenagers and children are far more driven by their feelings than a good idea for them. Knowing this, it is futile attempts they lecture us all day. Bombard their minds with positive advice, make ourselves the motivator impromptu front of them does not work. Makes children grow "annoyed" by our behavior. comments or advice such as: "you must study hard", "do not waste your time playing continues", "keep the cleanliness dikamarmu", unless we have first to recognize their feelings.
In the negative emotional state of a child can not receive input and advice decree even though that can change their behavior. A different outcome if we are able to understand and identify their emotional feelings beforehand then they would be open and listening to the suggestions of our logical. Children and teens will do anything if it makes them feel good or bad in taste or heart.
Before going any further, we will learn together, how do we react in the face of a problem child. Often if there is a problem then there dibenak our heads generally there are 3 things:
1. Giving Advice, for example: "I was fighting with Agus, school", our response is generally "what the hell you're this school is not a place to learn so builders fight, only criminals who solve the problem with fighting"
2. Interrogate, for example: "I lost my hp at school" our response is generally "you sure is not you alone who eliminate? Sure you do not forget, try to remember back "
3. Blaming and accusing, for example: "Edo was punished for not doing homework" our response is generally "lazy child basis, starting today you have to be more disciplined and pay attention in school assignments".
After seeing the third example above, no one else space to acknowledge feelings or emotions of children, right? Often we only provide input without going to hear what is actually happening (rather a feeling of what is happening to our children). When a child is neglected their emotions will be more angry and resentful. During this time they are in a negative emotional state, all good counsels mean we will not be ignored, even going on "gubrak".
The best way to understand our child is, recognize emotions (emotions recognize) and give them the strength to find their own solutions to problems. The trick is:
1. Listen to them 100%, face-to-eye with a look of flat or affection. (Pay attention and recognition)
Sometimes children need only be heard only, not the solution. Just give 100% attention we can surprise, children want to open and willing to share their thoughts and feelings. Just by saying "hmm .. okay, so yes .. then .." Although seemingly simple, honest it is difficult for us parents who used to want to take the fast track aliases provide solutions and solve problems. When that we do, the child will be shut down and avoid talking to us. Children will only meyatakan honest thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged.
When we allow children to reveal emotions and thoughts freely (while we are there to provide emotional support), we will see that they can find their own solutions to their problems. Another advantage of this approach is that the child will develop the confidence to think for himself and to face the challenges - the challenges of life.
For example: "I was fighting with Agus, at school," our response "what happened? The wound must have hurt like hell yah .. oh, okay "
2. Identify and portray emotions.
It is necessary for us just to learn the meaning of the emotion, because this is important for us to be able to reflect the child's emotions and understand exactly how they feel. With pin down their feelings, then it is easy for them to open up and talk about their problems. Here are emotions commonly experienced by humans.
- Angry - Feel the injustice
- Guilt - We find it unfair to others
- Fear - We expected anticipation because sesuatum untoward could happen
- Frustration - Doing something repeatedly and the results are not as expected means that we must find other ways
- Disappointed - What is desired can not be realized
- Sad - Losing something that feels worthwhile
- Loneliness - The need for meaningful relationships not just friends
- Guess not afford - Needs to learn something because there is something that can not be done well
- Boredom - The need to grow and acquire new challenge
- Stress - Something that is too painful and should be stopped
- Depression - Something that is too painful and should be stopped
Let us begin with the case, if your child comes to you and says, "Joni did not want to play ball with me" what is your responsibility? "Come play with papa / mama, maen each other, yes or yes it is .. maen alone". The third answer is a glimpse of the classic answer, and it is justified because it is often used. My question is what the emotion behind the words of the child? That's right !! DISAPPOINTED, LONELY, well, if that response was how? "Hmm .. you really want ya nak maen at Joni?" Or "Hmm .. well you lonely, want to play huh?" And wait for the response, usually a child will talk at length, then the solution should be left to the children, how "then what which can Papa / Mama help for you? Want to play at Papa / Mama? Or any other ideas? "Let your child choose the best solution for him. Memorize the table above and use to communicate with the child, understand seiap cases experienced by children.
By also understand emotions and let the child find a solution the problem itself, the child will feel understood and comfortable. As well as the growing sense of confidence in the environment that appreciates him. And the next will be easy for a child to open up to parents, and mutual trust between parents and children will be well formed.
Until now, we have learned how to keep the child open and believe in us, right? Next how to steer? How after we hear and understand the feelings and emotions of children, and ask the best solution according to the child (if the child is able to think of a solution) to ask "may I Papa / Mama proposal?" After the permission of the child, give input you think is efficacious. Sometimes a child's perspective is not the same as parents, we know if the child choose solutions that are less precise (according to parents) with values, norms prevailing in the social environment then we can "marched" with ease because of steps 1 and 2 has been carried out. Obviously with the model of courteous communication and respect for children.
The gate of child abuse would be wide open hearts when we accept and understand our child, and the child will allow us in and visit in the deepest depths of his heart. That place we can put messages, referrals and positive feedback for the good of the child's future.
I understand how this takes time, all the smart solutions to improve the quality of the family takes time. There the name "waiting time" for a special result. The cuisine is tasty and healthy takes time and the process of the kitchen, not a few seconds so. So the quality of what we want for our families?
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